Last week was plain awful.
The week overall really wasn't that bad. I never heard back from him on Monday to talk about a summer camp for Lanie, I guess because I said she shouldn't go to Tennessee with his mom that summer camp was no longer a option. On Thursday, I finally called him and we talked. The first hour and a half was a great talk. He told me the psychologist didn't think he was bipolar yet, but if he had another episode, to call. He said he was told he had anxiety and adjustment disorder and that he wasn't given any new meds. He eluded to meeting me twice on Monday to talk and I never caught on. He then asked to talk to my 10 year old and I let him. I heard him tell her he would pick her up next week, and when she handed the phone back I asked if he was going out of town go which he replied yes. I went on to ask him what he planned on doing with my daughter, as this was his weekend with her. He went on to blame me for making this screw up because I had not let him see her the weeks before. No, I had nothing to do with him seeing her, she didn't want to come after waking to bugs crawling on her. Can you blame her?
At that time, the whole process began again. He was supposedly going to help some friends move, he had given them his word, and couldn't take it back. I explained that he had begged me to get the kids and him back on the right path for a week prior, I had brought them to eat with him on Father's Day to help open that door, and that this was my weekend to work, the girls had other plans and couldn't keep her because we all assumed she was going with him. I then drove over to his house where he screamed and yelled at me got in my face and cussed me spitting on me, made faces at me, etc. I don't even know why I subjected myself to it. Why did I sit and beg and plead for him to see that the most important thing was these children and I? He obviously couldn't see it, but even removing me from the equation, the most important thing here was his children. He then told me that he was certain that someone would end up in the hospital this weekend and so on and so forth, because obviously I make the kids go to the hospital when he is out of town. That had happened once when My oldest has MRSA in her leg. Give me a break.
I pleaded with him until I drove home at 2:00and then got up in the morning, drove over and pleaded with him again. He told me he would come get her at 6. Or he lied and just said that so I would leave his house. He texted me back and forth until his friend came and picked him up at which time he blocked me.
Three hours later, I got a call that my daughter had been in a wreck. I was scared to death, I couldn't make out what she was saying. I had no idea at that point that his friend had picked him up, so I called him hoping that he had not left for town yet and would be able to get to her before I could. I was blocked. I called his mother, texted the ex, I tried everything I could, as I was still an hour and a half away. Nothing. When he finally did return my call, he told me he wasn't coming to her. He couldn't, he had already given these people his word.
I finally reached her and saw that she was okay, but shaken. I gave her the phone where he could talk to her and he told my daughter he wasn't coming to her either. That's the kind of person he is now. His only concern is himself. After dealing with the police, I got her home, but within 30 minutes, she was complaining of a headache and not feeling right and couldn't move her neck. I felt like getting her checked would be better safe than sorry. He didn't come to the hospital either, in fact when he returned home on Sunday, he didn't try to come check on her either. It's almost been a week and he still hasn't seen her. She is still in a ton of pain, but I'm trying to be patient to see how much is whiplash and how much isn't.
On Monday, he did email me and try to see if he could come get the little one for dinner. He has shown no interest in his children, couldn't come to his daughter when she was hurt and in her first wreck, wouldn't answer the phone all weekend when we tried to call, so that answer has to be no. He can see her at his regularly scheduled time on July 8th, I'm not being nice, begging him to be a good dad or any of it anymore and here's why...
Back when I thought there was no hope for my marriage in January, I met a guy who was genuinely, I think, a good guy. He has three girls, so the first time we met we took the girls to fudpuckers and for ice cream. He and I talked for about a month, and were going to take a trip to Key West, that's when my husband blocked that trip from happening, took me to a casino in atmore, al one where I paid for the room, had sex with me all weekend, professed his love for me, but emailed his girlfriend professing his love for her, he also told her he had to stay drunk and high just to tolerate me. So I gave up a trip to Key West for that, and had my marriage been saved, then I never would have regretted it. The second time we met was after I got back from that trip, over lunch. I told him I was sorry and that I had to give my marriage my best shot. He knew that was the most important thing to me from the get go. We both walked away.
Here and there since January, I would get texts just checking in to see how I was. I thought it was so sweet. A couple of weeks ago, he texted and we began to talk back and forth. We haven't met again due to my schedule and his, but we talk daily. He asked how my oldest was after her wreck and then told me he would fix her car for us. He checked on her throughout the weekend, and was here for me through the whole thing like her dad should have been. I decided then I can either go through another year of hell and let it go, or I can stay stuck. I picked letting it go, and seeing where this other leads. It may lead to nothing, but I'm okay because I know who I am in Christ and I know that as much as God wouldn't want this divorce, he doesn't want my children and I to be lied to or treated like this either.
Back to the emails on Monday, I told him the one blessing that came out of all of this was his ex. Remember I texted to see if she had talked to him when the wreck happened and I was trying to get a hold of him. Well, once again she offered nothing but encouragement and love to me all day Friday and throughout the weekend. When I told him she was a blessing in the email, he began calling me names, then texted her and told her he couldn't wait for her to find out how I am, that I talk about her, I mean all of this, got her upset and destroyed her peace. He has said truly horrible things about her, I have not.
Throughout all of this, I could feel my anger with God sneaking up on me again. I would have a great talk with him, and then all of the drama again. I don't know why God continued to let it happen to my children, but this time, I'm fighting back the anger by praying and staying prayed up. I have 28 days until my divorce is final, and instead of worrying I have to trust that God knows what is best for me and my girls.
