Another great weekend with friends again. New memories are being made, the adults are having as much fun as the kids, and we are all moving in the forward direction.
I never thought at this age that I would be starting over. I thought I would hold my husband's hand until he took his last dying breath. Even through all the imperfections and everything that life had to throw at us, we still weathered every storm together, and he was my best friend.
As with everything in life, however, all good things must come to an end. When I think about my dad and stepmom after their 18 year divorce, it was so sad to me that it ended up completely consuming her. So much so that she would speak in third person when referring to her life after my dad. It's important to me that I not let it consume me, (as it has for long enough) and that it is never allowed to define who I am. God knows my stepmother loved my dad the way I loved my husband, but doors close, and then windows open, and when neither one is happening, then I still have to praise Him in the hallway.
After many days of not answering any emails and sending them to my spam folder, I got one entitled urgent from him today. Before I proceed, it's absolutely shocking to me that a person who is so very intelligent can't figure out why his children want nothing to do with him after 10 months of him doing whatever he pleased and not giving them a second thought. Now that everyone has tired of that, and have decided to move forward without him, he suddenly wants to take a interest in them? Now that I have tired of him, and have decided that I can neither help someone who doesn't want to be helped, nor can I fix the relationship with him and my girls, now it's going to change? Well I'm hopeful that it does happen, but I'm afraid it's going to take a lot, and I mean a lot to fix the damage that he has done.
The emails weren't pleasant, he's pretty used to me telling him that I love him, and that I'm praying for him every day. I simply don't feel that way anymore. Yes, I continue to pray for him and his relationship with my children, and I'm still hopeful for their sake that he will get some answers and maybe even medications so that he can be stable for them, but I simply have decided to love myself more than I ever loved him. So as you can see, the emails are straight to the point. I wish the man nothing but the best, but the self realization of what all he has done still hasn't set in. He thinks he can still talk to me any kind of way, and I'm simply not standing for it any longer.
Urgent:
I have been trying to talk to the children. I've been calling and calling. You never got back to my mom about L. You say you want me to be a good dad. And when I try, I'm blocked. So that lets me know it's not actually about the children. I understand S and E might not want to talk to me right now but L does I'm sure. She still has the phone that I pay for that you refuse to give back. So anyway. Some type of response is expected as I am supposed to be allowed unrestricted communication with them. Thank you.
RE: Urgent
Your relationship with your children is no longer my business. I am done trying. You see after I tried to call you last week, I tried to bring L by because she wanted to see you, and you weren't there. You blocked her phone after I called you that day. On June 1st, I changed my outlook. You and your mom have both treated me horribly, so I no longer have to put up with that toxicity. I tried for months to get you to see your children are the most important, you wouldn't so what happens now is up to you. If you are leaving them messages and they aren't calling you back, you need to realize that your actions are causing those reactions. As far as L goes, we came with the phone in hand to your house and you weren't there. She misplaced it that night, we are cleaning today and maybe she will find it. L was in the car with me when you weren't there. You keep chasing your piece of ass, what happens between you and your children is on you now.
It's no fun when you can't get a hold of anyone for days at a time is it? Now you know how we feel.
Please deposit what you said you would into my account once you "figured things out" if a child is sick or something happens, I have 24 hours and will let you know within that time frame. Otherwise, there is nothing for us to talk about.
Thanks.
Urgent:
You're right. There is nothing for us to talk about. I don't need to talk to you. It's not about talking to you. And you know I've never blocked the kids phones. I still haven't. I didn't block L's number. Not one bit. Funny how she misplaced it when you got mad. I'm not chasing anything. Except for the kids for the past week. You can hate me. That's fine. You can hate my parents. That's fine. And as far as a child being sick. That reads. As soon as possible. Not 24 hours. Thanks.
As far as my relationship with the girls goes, I know that's on me and I am working on it. I realize that will take a great deal of time and effort. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear and I'm sure that you will continue to believe whatever and that's fine.
I'm not sure why you wouldn't let L go to Tennessee. I'm sure you have your reasons which have nothing to do with you and genuinely have her interests at heart.
RE:Urgent
This will be the last time I communicate anything with you. Your mom reaching out to me last week and me trying to tell her my genuine concerns, and her still blaming, (just like you do) everything on me is TOXIC. L does not need to be subjected to that type of environment where she can say whatever she pleases about me to my child. And it's awesome that no one has heard from her except E since February, but now she wants me to do a favor? If you recall, S had to stick up for me when she was 8 years old due to your mothers toxicity. I can send you the phone numbers of nurses in the ER who felt the same way. You used to see that the behavior was toxic, you do not now and that's on you. She was and continues to remain a big problem in our relationship, and with you.
As far as that goes, I tried to talk to you about the comment that your counselor told me which was a shock to me and contradicted anything that you have ever told me. I called you, you hung up in my face. I tried to call back and it went straight to voicemail. Your daughter called you two hours later and it went to voicemail as well. We then drive over there, and of course you were not home. She had the phone in the car. When we left there, we went to a friends house and the phone has not been seen since. The kids are tired of constantly being lied to. When we pulled up to your home, L said "oh well he isn't here, he's probably at his girlfriends house. He doesn't get to see my hair." Then on the way to my friends she said "was he texting you the weekend I was there" I said no. She said "oh well he was texting someone in his phone named Keyana." Well since you used to type texts to Wayne, she pretty much figured it out. And that's when I knew that we could either spend the next 6 months doing this or we could begin moving forward.
You can tell yourself whatever you want about how I'm keeping the kids from you, I am not. L did not want to come there after the bug and no warm food issue. If you have a bag of weed, but can only afford a can of ravioli, Bologna, and frozen chicken nuggets, then that is NOT in my child's best interest. The priorities for you have changed, and the children see that. Letting her be subjected to horrible things being said about her mother is not in her best interest either.
You have continued to let down and disappoint. When you have some self realization, and realize the weight of your actions, I truly hope that things will change. My children remain hopeful that you will get on medication and be the dad that you once were to them, however as far as we go, that door is closed. There is no hate here. Not one bit. I wish you nothing but the best.
Thanks.
Urgent:
I can tell you have nothing but the best interests involved. That's evident (laughable sarcasm). You knew my money was tight last time she was over. I didn't have weed. Thanks. Still don't. Thanks. I didn't text anyone last time she was with me. Thank you very much. I haven't changed anyone's name in my phone to anything. I ha e nothing to hide. And as far as being talked about negatively. I've never said ANYTHING remotely negative about you to any of them. And you know it. Thanks. Let down and disappoint? How? Ridiculous. I told E I'd figure it out about us going shopping. And check her phone. I was trying to take her this weekend.
And no one was asking about the we part. Thanks for the well wishes though. I'll take what I can get. Have a good week. See you Friday at 6. Thanks.
As you can see, we have a long way to go if ever, before we can have any type of relationship. If he didn't have money, then he should have said something like I am having a issue with bugs, and my money is tight so I will need to cook at your house. Not putting his child's best interest at heart is the reason his child no longer wants to come there. Can you blame her? If your 10 year old came home and told you they ate at Tom Thumb, or bologna, ravioli and frozen nuggets that when she bit into o them were still cold, how would you feel? Also, my friends from the ballpark noticed that his behavior was either very fidgety, or that he was constantly annoyed by E screaming from the dugout. FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO NOTICE, THAT'S A PROBLEM.
I will continue, like I said to pray for him, and hope that he really has figured out that I am no longer chasing or trying to fix things for him, as he has always had done for him, this fixing will be solely his responsibility. One way that would probably go a long way would be to treat their mother with some respect, especially since they are all girls, but I digress. I have seen a recurring pattern of supposed "genuine interest" in the kids as long as It's Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, but when the weekend rolls around, Thursday-Sunday, he's generally out. I hate to tell him that L does not want to come to his house anymore, that part will have to be told on Friday. This weekend will be good if he can get her to go, but the next weekend, I am sure he will disappear off the face of the earth again and deny that he's blocking their calls again. Typical pattern, the only difference being that I no longer care whether he's in Tampa or L.A. as for me and my house, we are moving FORWARD without him. Happiness abounds, and my 10 year old is becoming a astounding cook, because she will never be in a position to not be able to cook for herself again.
