This week has been interesting to say the least.
After Monday's emails, I really felt the need to tie up whatever loose ends remained and finally get some closure, however, two questions really loomed over my head.
The first? How could anyone ever act like this towards his children? Especially when for years, I have heard nothing but about how my ex husband was a waste of air and space and when my son turned 18, my husband was "going to beat the piss out of him". We both felt that way a lot of the time because my ex was happy just being a every other weekend dad. He would drum up some drama in court, act like he reaaallllllyyy wanted extra time with my son, and then he would never take extra time with my son. When my son got older and had a cell phone, he rarely ever called either, and so he would see him every other weekend. Pathetic. You can clearly see now, that my husbands behavior has far outweighed any of my ex's behavior. I mean if I had a emergency, I could at least reach my ex and count on him, but not with this guy. I never would have thought he would turn out to be that way either. He ACTS as if he really wants to see his kids, again from Monday-Thursday or Friday a.m. but then come the weekend, we hear nothing from him. And just like when my daughter was in the ER for MRSA in her leg, he was nowhere to be found.
I came home last night and my girls had been to counseling. They informed me that they no longer wanted to have a relationship with their dad and described how they told the counselor that each one of them reached that point at a different time. I found it very interesting. I asked the youngest if she wanted to go with her dad at a different time and she replied no. I also tried one last time to rally them to do something special for Father's Day and I got a resounding NO. I emailed him this morning, as we had emailed back and forth yesterday about my concerns about his relationships with the girls. I no longer want him in my life, but I do want him to have a relationship with them, but again he has to be the one responsible to fix it. I remained as positive as I could, told him I support him and ended each one with Hugs! I was being very sincere, after all he was my best friend for 18 years. He did not like that response, in fact he acted as if it upset him. He accused me of making him look bad, to which my response was I don't have to, you are making yourself look bad.
This morning I emailed him to let him know the girls did not want a relationship with him. This was based on what they told me last night. This was the result:
Me: The girls went to see The counselor yesterday, and I'm sorry but they no longer want to have a relationship with you at all. Your behavior has cost you everything. They all arrived at done at different times and it was interesting to hear about how the time was different for each of them. I will be praying for you.
Him: I'll talk to the counsellor about it. That's not going to happen by the way. You and her don't get to choose that.
Me: I had nothing to do with that. They don't want anything to do with you they are old enough to choose that. I was at work, thank you.
Him: I'll talk to Carol about it. I will be having a relationship with them. Thanks. I will not be going back and forth with with you today. Thanks.
Me: Still completely clueless to what you have done. I stand in awe. Still praying for you. Hugs!
Him: Just talked to Carol and she said that's not the conclusion she came to.
Hugs. Kisses and fuck you very much.
No one said the counselor drew the conclusion, I was talking to him about what his girls wanted. They are old enough to make their own decisions and to decide what they want! After being cussed, yet again, I decided I would begin sending the emails back to my spam folder. It's simply not worth it until he gets his head on straight.
My second question actually came up in conversation last week with my girlfriend. I was telling her that he has told me time and again how he doesn't talk to anyone about me or about us, yet when his mom called, she knew intricate details of every single thing that has gone on with me and him. So obviously he had bad mouthed me to his mom just like he did to his girlfriend. As I was talking through all of this, I remembered the nights when he was trying to get over his girlfriend while trying to make it work with me, and I told my friend you know it's really weird but he bad mouthed his girlfriend the whole time he was here. My gf stopped me and said, then you have your answer. I asked what she was talking about, and she said "Well, if he said all of those horrible things about her and she never really did anything to him, then why wouldn't he say all of those horrible things about you"? Sometimes God has a way of answering every single question. I knew my answer. He had told me horrible things about her, and I had met her and discredited a lot of it, but still I listened while he gave me these details. In that moment, my questions were answered: He had no more respect for her or her feelings than he did for me and mine, after 18 years. If he was going to bad mouth his wife of 18 years, then of course he would bad mouth his girlfriend of 6 months because the problem was NEVER with him.
Closure. It's such an amazing thing. Today, I am thanking God for closure, and for the ability to laugh at the messages while he's cussing me, and to still be able to pray for him the last thing at night when I go to sleep, and the first thing in the morning when I wake up.
Growth. Thank you, Jesus for growing me through this process and making me stronger and stronger each and every day, the blessings you have bestowed on me and my children the past couple of weeks, and the growth they have experienced has been so awesome to watch, I can't wait to see where we are in another couple of weeks!!
