For as long as I live, I will never forget September 7th, 2015.
I moved to Florida from Tennessee to live out my dream with my husband and four children in May of 2014. I always knew that one day I would live in Florida. I don't know why I caught that bug from a very young age, because no one else in my family felt that way. I remember dreaming of it from the time I was around 7 or 8 years old. Florida was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen, and I can remember being filled with peace when I was there. My childhood had been anything but peaceful. Skip ahead to me having my own children, and they caught the bug too. From a very early age they all wanted to live in Florida, and shared a love for it just as much as my own. I finally decided after a stressful couple of years that we all needed a fresh start. I took a giant leap of faith and decided to move us to the place that we all dreamed of. At first, things were seemingly perfect the kids were happier, flourishing, and thriving. My husband lost his job, shortly after we arrived, and I transitioned to a area of nursing that I had no experience in, so I was basically starting over. Things were a little stressful, but nothing we couldn't handle. So imagine my surprise when our dream was shattered on September 7th.
The month prior, My husband was dancing me around the kitchen, smiling, laughing, and doing the things that I thought he loved to do. He would make my coffee, lay out my uniform, drive me to and from work and we had date night two-three times a week. I had often told him that although I enjoyed him doing these things for me, they were not necessary. He always told me that he enjoyed doing them and loved serving me as Jesus served the people. On August 17th, he was diagnosed with diabetes. I had been telling him that was coming, as he loved to indulge in ice cream. I was concerned for his health because he was around 150lbs overweight. I had made several changes to my lifestyle and had lost around 70lbs by August, and I just wanted what was best for him. After all, I had created a life with him and wanted him to be around for our children's weddings, and grandchildren's births. Let me interject here, because of my childhood I mentioned earlier, I was rough around the edges, so I wasn't one to coddle or baby someone, as I had never been treated that way. In fact, I was quite the opposite and was straight and to the point. It doesn't make it right, I'm just holding accountability for myself. I wasn't the sweetest person ever, but he had known that about me for 18 years, and vowed that he loved me anyway, no matter what. Diabetes wasn't a death sentence, however, I do think that doctors blow it off and make you think it isn't a big deal. So that's what we were facing, I was willing to do anything to make the necessary lifestyle changes with him and help him to lose the weight. We began the couch to 5K program, and I began cooking healthier, but none of this would matter because within 10 days, he began picking me apart. I couldn't say or do anything right, and he became completely disgruntled with everything. Then, that fateful day happened.
Labor Day was on September 6th, and it was finally a day that all of our children were home. From the 19 year old to the 10 year old and I let the kids pick what they would like to do that day. Their answer was to go shopping and out to lunch. We all loaded in the car and headed to Buffalo Wild Wings and to shop. We stopped at a few places before and I noticed that my husband was lingering behind, and on the phone a lot more than he usually was. I thought it was weird when later we got to the mall to shop for a homecoming dress and he sat down in the mall and stayed on his phone the entire time. He has been obsessed with the phone for the past year or so, and it seemed to be more important than many things, but this was the first time he had actually put it above his family. I tried to talk to him about it that night, and he blew it off. The next morning, I forwarded his text messages to my phone, and was completely bewildered to find three memes sent by a female co-worker in Tampa.
Find someone who makes you realize three things:
One, that home is not a place but a feeling.
Two, that time is not measured by a clock, but by moments.
and Three, that heartbeats are not heard, but felt and shared.
What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet.
Many things will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart, Pursue those.
After our prior history, 12 year before after him not having a job, me supporting him, and then him deciding to take a woman to lunch there, and subsequently divorcing me, I saw RED. I sat there for almost 6 hours reading the memes over and over until the anger completely consumed me and I asked my son to help me get his clothes out of the closet and place them on the porch. I called him and told him that's where his things were. I fully expected him to come home and tell me it was nothing, instead he came home, had deleted their previous text messages, and without any warning or explanation picked up his things and left. He went to a hotel where he stayed for 2 days stating that "I put him out" to which I stated, "Yes, because there is no room for three people in our Marriage" and there wasn't.
On September 9th, after holding our broken hearted children all night, I texted the mistress and this is what it said: I truly appreciate your sending him those text messages, Due to our past history, I sat his things on the porch, and in turn he has left his wife and four children, states he is never coming back and that all of it is my fault. If those were meant to be motivational, yet were speaking to him about him finding someone else, I feel that is not the motivation he needs. Also, checking in on him and telling him that he needs to eat not what he needs. So I don't know what type of relationship the two of you have had, but as I hold my crying children tonight, I just want to say thanks.
The mistress texted this back: K, It is not that I sent them but your overreaction to them and assumption that they were meant in the way you interpreted. You chose to put his clothes on the porch without hearing a explanation. I have recently gone through a break up and Andrew has been a dear friend to me, making me see I deserve better in life. They were more my realization of what I need and what's going on in my life. Not his. He and I are friends and co-works and absolutely NOTHING more. We are both going through what Wayne Dyer calls 'The Shift' and it has been great to have a friend with similar thoughts to talk to. Life is so heavy and the car business sucks. You and the kids are so blessed to have that kind of man in your life. He may have had some challenges financially in the past, but he is making positive changes now to be the best father and husband he can be. (but he can't live on protein bars alone, that's why I told him to eat, I'm a nag, trust me he doesn't want me.)
I am very sorry this all happened. My heart breaks for all of you, and I've been praying for peace at this difficult time. I'm not a counselor, but a excellent listener. If you would like to talk more, please feel free to call.
STOP RIGHT THERE. What kind of "woman" was I dealing with here? I think more than a appropriate response would have been "Keyana, I realize how you could have read into those and I am truly sorry, I will no longer be communicating with your husband except for business purposes only" and that would have sufficed! I mean this "woman" just sat and analyzed a 18 year relationship that she knew NOTHING about, and still had no remorse for what she was doing to my children or to my home. What kind of person does that? What kind of person feels zero guilt for talking to a married man? what kind of "woman" continues talking to that married man after he has left his family home? Not to mention that I am the one who has put up with years of financial instability, and lying on top of everything else. So let me guess, he gave you the same sob story that he's been giving everyone else? I was horribly unsupportive and not good to him, even though I begged him to change things about himself to live a healthier, longer life, and begged him constantly to be the man he was called to be. I mean it takes someone very special and I mean special to continue preying on a married man.
And that brings me to him, suddenly he's painting this picture that he was terribly unhappy and blah blah, blah, but as you continue to see these blogs unfold you will also see that for the next 6 months he continued to go use her for the weekend, an then come home and use me. SO if life was so bad, why the confliction, why did you want to come home and sleep with me every time you left her? Why did you come over here and smooth things over, sware you had not been with her, give me a bogus story about being in Tallahassee with friends every time, but then upon returning from every trip come straight to me? (because yes I eventually caught him at her house). Why did you constantly make fun of her to me and continue to tell me that you see her for exactly what she is, which is a homewrecker? And why did I continue to let it happen? Why did I naively believe me when you told me I would always be the "only girl" the one that you loved and only wanted to be with for the rest of your life? Why did I allow it to happen over and over and want to believe you so bad, as you made fun of her jaw teeth, and told me she was very dramatic?
You see, this blog was just the beginning, this is the story of what happens when you put all of your trust in man and not in God. As it unfolds, you will see the beauty for ashes that only He can make.
