Co-Parenting

I'm not sure why I thought this week would be any different, because it wasn't. He returned to town on 2/3 just in time to pick up my 10 year old for the weekend. On Friday, 2/5 I was at work and my 14 year old was having abdominal pain. Our email interaction had been a bit hateful the couple of days before, so I really didn't want to call him, but I was busy on the floor at work and I needed someone who could sit with my daughter. When he arrived I updated him on what was going on. I also told him he didn't need to lose more weight, at this point he almost looked sick. He stayed with her all day and I told him over and over that I appreciated him. I also told him on twitter that I appreciated him. He tweeted back that he would always be there for the kids. I tweeted him back and forth that he has not been, but that we had hoped he would be from now on, but that would take him giving us accountability and trust. At 10:30 that night my phone rang. He told me thank you for keeping him informed and allowing him to be present at the hospital. I told him thank you and I couldn't have done it without him. It was a great pone call and it left me hopeful that something was going to change.

On Sunday, 2/7 it was our 10 year olds adoption day. I sent him a email that morning from work:

Andy-

 First and foremost, I just wanted to say Happy Adoption Day, Daddy! Life certainly isn't how I wanted or dreamed of it being, but I think its important for us to realize together just how special that day was for both you and I. I miss having you at home to celebrate this special day with us.

I know that a lot has gone on, we have both done so much wrong, and for that I am truly sorry. Last week when I let go of a lot of things, the anger and bitterness was one of them. I hope you can tell that by our interaction Friday. I am still a little hurt that you still won't admit to doing anything wrong or having a relationship with Mellisa, but I hope that will come in time because as I said before, I was your best friend.

I am not sure just what about me placing your things on the front porch sent you over the edge, but I have known since your second trip to "Tallahassee" that you both were together. I still allowed you to come back into my life many times after that, and there was a time I would have done anything to save us, and I hope you will always realize that.

You were my everything, my all, and my favorite thing to love.

I am still very committed to us rebuilding a friendship through co-parenting. I realize this is going to be hard for us, and hard for her as I am sure there will be continued jealousy as she has shown each time that you have left to come back home. I truly hope you will not let that stand in our way. I want us to work together to co-parent which means no lying, no secretiveness, no running out of town when we need you. I need to see that you are truly 100% committed to staying around and parenting, especially during the upcoming sports season and know that I can rely on you. Through that, it is my hope that we can eventually take the kids to dinner together, give them a sense of togetherness and family still even though it isn't the way I had hoped it to be. I plan on taking them to Disney quite a bit, and its my hope that eventually you would be able to travel with us.

I want nothing but positive interaction from here on out. I am in a really good place and it only keeps getting better, and I just want the very best for the kids. I know the girls are giving you a really hard time, but please put yourself in their shoes. Their entire world/happiness as they knew it ended pretty abruptly, and they are still being told that you all aren't together. That will probably continue until their is some honesty, accountability, and trust built up. Please don't let anger or her consume you and not help them work through these feelings, I'm a adult, leaving it at the altar was easy for me, its a lot harder for them as kids.

I love you as the father of my children. Thank you for taking that 18 year ride with me through all the bumps and bruises, and for taking Lanie that day I called you and told you we were getting a baby. She is one of my greatest gifts and I would not have had her if not for your love and support. Thank you also for all the nights that you spent up driving her to Westmoreland so that I could better our lives. I know you felt unnoticed and underappreciated, but you really never were and I hope you know that. I hope you guys have a great day together. Tell her I can't wait to see her tonight. Hugs!

Me

 

After the email, I got no response. So on my way home that night, the 10 year old told me that he had spent the entire weekend talking to someone named Wayne on his phone. I assumed that he is indeed either gay, or that he had renamed her Wayne so she couldn't see who he was talking to. Not only that, but he told her they would watch a movie, and went in his room instead and so she ended up watching the movie by herself. She said that anytime she needed him he would be in his room and respond with "What do you need now" and come get it for her and then stay in his room some more. This was after he told me on Friday they had a great time. Of course he also told me that he was having a great time with the 14 year old in the ER and great conversations with her, and that he was going to take her out to eat for pizza. The 14 year old told me their conversation consisted of her asking about his girlfriend and him responding "I'm not doing this now" and that he actually got her a pizza and took her home to eat it.

 

I decided to call to talk to him about being a better parent, and told him to please be responsive to his girls when they are there. I ended up being cussed and told to shut the eff up, g-damnit, and told that it was none of my business who he was with any longer. I told him I didn't care that this conversation was to talk about him being a better parent and helping me parent the kids. He told me that my above email was passive aggressive, which it was not meant to be anything other than sincere. At one point his response was I will get a list of their game schedules and show up when I can.

 

I spent 2 hours on the phone with him and had redundant conversation. At 12:05 on 12/8 we committed to being friends first and co-parents second. I got home from work on 12/9 and my 10 year old was still wanting to talk before bed. She told me that she had told him that she didn't want to go to his house in the first place this week, but that he told her he thought she should. She told me that she was still hurt because even at the Mardi Gras parade he would go off and take phone calls with Wayne while she stood there with our neighbors. She told me she basically felt like he was just being around her because he had to be not because he wanted to be. She told me he took her to the cult church. I was devastated that my 10 year old laid in my bed for almost an hour and told me all of this. I emailed about the church part, but decided that I won't be making her go from now on if she doesn't want to. It was not a fun time for her, and she felt like she was a burden then I don't think its okay to continue putting her through that. Of course when my 17 year old tried to talk to him about all of this, last night, he didn't answer until 2 calls, and then called her back, meaning he was probably out of town once again. Parenting with him is going to be impossible, but thank goodness I am already used to doing it on my own.

 

Satan is the author of this confusion. At the end of our 2 hour conversation, I told him that. I told him that this did not have to be hard. I no longer love him, except for being the father of my children. I just want him to be a better dad and put his children first. It is still my hope that light bulb will go off, but so far the kids and I are fighting a losing battle.