In a strange turn of events, I finally received the closure that both the kids and I needed to move forward. On Monday, I had a conversation with my husband letting him know what days softball practice would be and making sure that he would keep the kids for the weekend so that I could finally get a break and take a mini vacation to Key West. He informed me that he had already cleared it with my 19 year old, and that he would be gone for the weekend. I explained that there is no way that he could be gone, if I am 12 hours away, and he is 6 hours away and one of the kids needed one of us in an emergency, that would not work. He was adamant that he would be going out of town. I had finally had enough. I told him that I have asked for one weekend away in 6 months, actually this was the second weekend I had asked for. I asked that he stay in town and keep the kids for my birthday weekend because I had a friend coming in town from Tennessee and we had plans. He told me that weekend that he could not, he was going out of town for business, and was not sure yet where he would be. Convenient that he was going out of town for Valentines weekend, but I digress. In the court documents, we are supposed to offer the parent first right of refusal for child care, and I just needed a break for goodness sake! He did not budge. Finally, I told him it was not okay that everything was coming before his kids, that I was tired of being done this way, I was tired of the kids being done this way, and that I was texting his girlfriend. I hung up, tapped out the text and hit send. I honestly thought I was blocked, from the first time we had communicated.
The next morning, I received a text back asking for a email address to send communication. We went back and forth, and then she just asked if she could call me. I told her sure, I feel like formal communication was best anyway. She ended up getting stuck at the office and I finally texted and asked if she could call yet. At first, the text I received was telling me that she loved him and that I was trying to hurt him and basically she remained undaunted. I knew he had gotten to her and filled her with lies. We texted back and forth and were making no progress, in fact things were escalating. I finally explained to her that I have nothing to gain by lying to her, and my children have nothing to gain by me lying to her. Everything she had read in this blog was a timeline of events taken straight from my journal that I kept on my phone and placed into this blog. I told her she could talk to the kids, they would tell her first hand that we had lived it. I guess he had given her their numbers, and she called Sam thinking it was Savannah. Sam called her back. The calmest kid I have, hates confrontation but went in his room and shut the door to talk. About that time, I could here Savannah screaming at the top of her lungs inside the house, I went running in and found her sliding down the wall as she screamed bloody murder at her dad who was on the phone. I will never understand why we had to endure this. I calmly took the phone from Sam and said, "It's Keyana can you see what you both are doing to my children?"
On the other end of the line was a calm, soft spoken woman who explained that she wasn't the one doing this. Not at all what I expected. I was waiting for confrontation, and probably a few bad words. I had been praying all day, however, that God would give me the right things to say and to remain completely calm, but in talking with her, the conversation came easily. I reviewed with her the different timeline of events, the bizarre behavior, and as I sat there and listened, she revealed to me that she was not the "mistress" that I thought after all. She explained that a close relationship had developed and that he had indeed spent weekends with her, but denied that a sexual relationship had taken place. I find it very hard to believe that two consenting adults would not have a sexual relationship when spending weekends together, but what did she gain from lying? And I just had to trust that having a conversation with me was showing me a little something about her character.
As we went on to talk, it was clearly evident that my husband had painted quite the picture for her. From my understanding, there were several lies and a lot of manipulating that was going on in both directions. She was being manipulated and lied to about interactions and things with his kids, and I was being manipulated and lied to about it all. Suddenly I realized that the woman I have accused time and again for having zero moral character, actually had some morals after all. It became clear that he was pursuing her pretty heavily, and although it hurt to hear, its the closure that I needed. I know that it takes two to tango, and I realize you are probably sitting here thinking WHAT? How can you sit and have a conversation with a woman that was involved with your husband in some type of affair, but the only answer I can give is Jesus. I asked she just step aside and leave him alone, no calls, no texts, no handwritten letters, nothing. Don't give him the option to come to your house, then he has to stay here and he has to be a better parent, and if our marriage fell back into place, then so be it. It was a last ditch plea to make her see that we have a family, a history, a marriage that was worth it, and even if she had no clue that she was the third party, she was indeed the third party.
At the end of the conversation, and trust there were some laughs and everything shared, I saw that this "mistress" as I had called her before was not the person responsible for destroying our marriage, in fact I think she was not clued in very well at all. Just like I had been broadsided at the restaurant, I think she was broadsided by all of this, because this was heavy, heavy stuff. I ended the conversation by just asking her to consider stepping aside to see where things went. She thanked me and we hung up.
First and foremost, I would like to apologize because when I am wrong, I say I am wrong. After talking with her, I found out that he had not been traveling to see her as far back as October, he was just being untruthful and secretive, and not only was it unfair to his children and myself but it was a bit unfair to her too. I have this blog, and as you can see I have been writing and blaming much of this on her as well as him. For that I am truly sorry. I believe that everything happened for a reason, and that God placed this person and conversation in my life for a reason. There is so much I want to say but just know that I do forgive you, Mellisa and I ask that you forgive me too for anything written here that caused you to think that these were lies or that I was trying to hurt you or him. It's merely part of my story, my story that I am going to use to reach out to other women who have been through a similar circumstance, and you were a part of it. I see you for your courage to even get on the phone and hear my story, but most of all for listening to my children and hearing and respecting them.
The next phone call I got was from him. He told me that that he effing hated me over and over. He asked why I would ruin this for him? He told me that he was now going to be at my house on Friday morning to ruin my life. He screamed and I tried to explain that I did not have personal vendetta against him, that we just needed answers! We have sat here for months, and have made very little progress because every time he comes back to town, and we see glimpses of the man that we once new and loved, we have a glimmer of hope and we start back at square one. He ended by calling me a effing b and said I just needed to vent. I hung up. He called again twice and I texted and said when you can speak to me rationally, I will answer and I did. He told me he was traveling for work, but that he was very angry. I told him I understood, but we have been in misery for months! The second conversation was better minus the cussing.
At 7:30 this morning, I received a text from her that stated I could tell my girls that she had decided to step aside. I explained that I kind of figured from the phone call I got, and explained that he was traveling for work. She then texted back and told me that he was not traveling for work, he drove to her and walked in the door at her house, unbeknownst to her and she lost it. They spoke for an hour and she kicked him out. The thing that hurt me the most was that his children's lives had been shattered again last night, and he ran to her. Not to them, not to me, but 6 hours away to her. It was obvious that was the most important thing to him right now. As the morning went on, I received a call from him and I called back. He told me he was sorry for how he had been hurting me, sorry for the way he had been hurting the kids, and he just wanted to be a better parent for the kids, heal them, be best friends with me again and move forward. It was not a good talk on my behalf because her and I had been texting and I knew that he had just lied to me again. And the apology, though I want it to be sincere, seemed like everything she had said her wishes were for us, the night before he hung up the phone. He told me that we were never getting back together. I asked him why? Why then did he chase me throughout the weekend, ending with us in bed? He had no answer, which infuriated me even more. Later, I did tell him I was very angry but am trying very hard to react to him differently. I reached out and told him that we have a vow together and vowed to raise our children together. We never wanted them to be from a divorced home, I begged him to look into his soul and to try to see that he is fixing to lose 5 very precious things. It fell on deaf ears.
I had let myself slip. On Saturday night he had begged me until almost 2 am to come over and sleep with him, I remained strong, and told him no. He had to choose me or her, he couldn't keep having both. Not to mention, I had to be up at 5 for work. He was unrelenting until I finally had to hang up. On Sunday, when I went to say goodbye, he was holding me, and I slipped. I forgot to keep loving myself enough to not let it happen again. When he was standing there holding me, he began to kiss my neck and that was the end. I left around three with him still begging me to stop and stay.
Throughout the day, some type of relationship developed between her and I. She was easy to talk to and we texted and shared some laughs. I now have a respect for the woman that I one had none for, and I think she has some respect for me. There is only one person who can author that story and his name is God. This continues to be a story of Good winning, because several times throughout these months, I could have made that 6 hour drive and Evil would have won and my life could be forever decidedly different. I continue to remain thankful for how far He has brought me through all of this, and I am proud for how far He has brought her too. Now the toughest part begins. Praying for my husband to find Jesus again. I am going to have my work cutout for me.
