When I left off, I had talked to him on the phone pretty much until May 4th. I told him I needed more help with the kids when I was working 12 hour shifts. The goal was for him to bring the kids dinner the next day. Since the 27th of April, with his last abrupt leave, my girls had very little to do with him. It wasn't as if he was trying too terribly hard, as I said he was the number one thing on his mind. That was evidenced by Thursday, May 5th. He told me he had been out to buy my Mother's Day gift that day, and then stated he would be taking them dinner, so they would be fed. He was also going to take our 14 year old to softball practice. I went ahead and made plans to have dinner with a friend after work for Cinco De Mayo. Imagine my surprise when my 17 year old called me in a tizzy stating "He's left town again, mom" I asked her what she meant and she stated that he had left my other daughter at softball and took off out of town. The entire pattern of behavior had began again.
Before calling me, they had tried to call him where their calls were either blocked or denied and sent to voicemail. They were beside themselves. I finally get a hold of him, (after I paid for my dinner, and left) to which he told me he was coming to apologize to both me and my oldest daughter. He claimed he had been at a dinner meeting for yet his 3rd job of 2016, but he then showed up at my house in a Jimi Hendryx t-shirt and plaid shorts. My daughter asked him if he had gone to the business meeting in that, to which he replied "Yes, it was just casual" visibly upset, she left the room and left the gifts that he gave her there on the chair. He did not offer me any apology. Just told me it was no longer any of my business what he does in his time and left. He claimed he would see me on Sunday for Mother's Day. Again, I am thankful for his now ex girlfriend, because of course I texted her first thinking he was gone to her. She was busy with family but told me absolutely not!
With that, it all began again. Getting the 10 year old only when he has to get her, and not hearing from him any other time. Last Thursday, he had taken the 14 year old on spur of the moment notice to the orthodontist for me, and picked the 10 year old up from chorus. He did not prepare them dinner, or make sure they had dinner, but I was still thankful for the help and told him so via e-mail. That night, I got off work because I knew he was making a deposit of child support that day. Or my bank account had $4.29 in it and I had 1/4 of a tank to get home and no way to pick up dinner for the kids. Because he has been so hostile with me, I was no longer accepting calls, and we communicated via email only. So I emailed to ask if he had made a deposit and......Crickets. No answer all the way back from the 40 minute drive in which I stopped by his house just to see if he could float me a $20 to get through until he could make a deposit.
Shocking, he wasn't home. In fact, he was with someone else, even though he denied it. By the time I made it home, the kids were asleep with no dinner. Still, no empathy, no remorse, even though I had told him on Tuesday how short I was on money. No anything but emails stating he would deposit the next day. I then tried to call him from my daughters phone, and he just sat there, stating he had not been with anyone else and blah. blah. blah. This was the third week that we had gone through the same pattern of behavior, and so at this point I gave up. The next morning, I drove over to his house and tried to communicate with him face to face, but he was being so hateful to me that it was impossible and so I drove to the courthouse to file the rest of my paperwork. I finally got him to call me and I sat on the phone crying, begging, and pleading for him not to make me do this but he was adamant. 40 minutes later, with tears streaming down my face, I walked into the courthouse to file the remaining paperwork and....
The System Was Down.
The system was down from the storm, and at that point there was nothing I could do. I emailed him and let him know that this was God's way of not wanting our marriage to be broken. His reply was "Or it's just a storm" He talked to me some more, that afternoon and our conversation about our marriage ending was heavy, but then I noticed he was whistling. No Empathy, No Remorse. I begged him not to go be with anybody else and to consider what all we had talked about that day and his response was "You vastly overestimate me, Geez" but that night, he was seen by a friend of mine from work out with another woman. When I called him on Saturday morning, he had again blocked my number, and when I finally got a hold of him, He did tell me that he was with her, but that she was just a friend. I was sad, but went into self preservation mode. No more could I take being treated this way. It wasn't fair.
It also wasn't fair to my kids, whom as of today (Tuesday) had not heard from him since last Thursday. My 14 year old called him 8 times in a row on Saturday, and even though I sent him a copy of the call log, he states he only missed one call. They try to reach out to him, and he either doesn't answer, sends them to voicemail, or can't help get them to where they need to be, yet after his weekend of fun he comes around to trying to talk to them again. He doesn't understand that the lies that he isn't with someone else, coupled with the fact that last week when he was actually with the 14 year old, he spent the entire time sitting on his phone claiming he was emailing me, and that ignoring the calls only sets them back. It sets them back and then when he is ready to get his toys off the shelf and play with them, they aren't interested. THIS BEHAVIOR INFURIATES ME. As their mother, I am totally invested. In fact, A few weeks ago I met a great guy, but then decided that two wrongs don't make a right, so I didn't pursue it. I feel that the most important thing right now is working on me, and devoting all of my time and attention to them since he is no longer able. So although I was flagged down, with the kids in the car, on the way home from the beach this week, and would have loved to have gotten to know that person better, throughout the next few weeks/months I'm going to focus on being the best mom/dad to them that I can because obviously right now he isn't capable of doing such.
Today, I ran across a ultramatch on my Plenty of Fish account. Back when I thought there was no hope for he and I, I set it up and began looking around my area to eventually meet someone. I logged on today and there in my ultramatch was none other than my husbands account. His religion: New age, He's a free thinker, wants more kids, only smokes on occasion, does not do drugs, and drinks socially. Many things stuck out to me here. One, we were a ultramatch. Two, He wants more children? He has FOUR that he's struggling with now!!!!! Three, He smokes around 2 ppd, drinks daily, and smokes marijuana. Once again, starting his life out a lie. I called him from my little one's phone and asked him what he meant he wanted more children. He stated he did not. I asked him if had plans to leave his family and start a new one with someone else, to which he replied no. Then he began being ugly to me again. When we hung up, he called back and asked to talk to our 10 year old. She did not want to talk to him, which was then blamed on me. He then said he would see me Friday at 6 to which I explained that she does not want to go with him because last time his house was infested with bugs. He continued to blame this on me, and told me that I wasn't helping foster a relationship. I explained that I had helped him and told her the bugs were gone, but of course I had not. It was like talking in a riddle. He will now be showing up on Friday to pick her up with a sheriff. I don't understand what he wants me to do, he has told me anytime before that she didn't want to stay that he wouldn't press the issue. He has hardly ever taken his full time with her always bringing her home early or by a couple of hours or even a day. I am not going to force her to go because I was forced to go to my dad's and I had resentment about that. It's going to be a uphill climb to say the least.
About that anger with God, after going to a couple of church services and realizing that I had to let things go, I finally did. It was then that I realized that God is going to handle this entire situation in his own time. I can choose to remain angry and bitter, but the only person I am hurting is myself. What kind of mother would I be if I was full of anger and resentment? That's not setting a good example! God loves me enough to forgive every sin in my life, even when I can't forgive myself. His Grace and Mercy is new every day. Since all of this began, I have prayed that If God wasn't going to give me my husband back, that he would build a man that is perfect for us, and I have to trust that He is in the process of doing just that. Meanwhile, lots of bonding time happening around here. The girls and I have been cooking and baking, and getting into a new routine of not depending on him, but depending on each other. My 10 year old is grabbing her bible and reading it to me now, and the other girls are still going to church every week. Prayers are being answered every single day, even though I don't deserve them to be. So you see, I'm the only Jesus that my kids and other people around me are going to see right now, and I want Him to one day take my hand and say Well done, my good and faithful servant. Until then, I have faith that everything will work out in His timing, and that Love will prevail.
