I would like to clear up any misconception about my discussion on this topic prior to writing this blog. My husband was told by a mental health professional on April 12th, after she had spent several sessions with me, with my children, and three with my husband that there was a chance that indeed he could be Bipolar. He has a evaluation set up for June 14th, and could not get in any sooner, but as of today he has not been diagnosed as Bipolar.
Throughout the years, my husbands moods have been unstable. He has been happy one minute and then upset and yelling the next. Several years ago, I told him I was concerned and that I thought he needed to be on medication. At that time, he got on Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrin seemed to have helped, but after several years, it did not seem to be as effective. I have one best friend that I grew up with, and has known me my whole life. We don't talk all of the time, but when we do, I update her. We were having coffee over facetime last week, and she told me then "You have always said he was bipolar" Wow. I didn't even realize that I had probably used that term loosely when describing the mood fluctuations to my best girlfriend on the phone! Even though I was a nurse, and had some experience with psychiatric nursing, I did not know or really begin to understand BPD until my counselor mentioned it on the 12th.
When she mentioned that to him, I began researching everything I could. I knew my husband was diagnosed with Adult ADHD at the age of 19 at Vanderbilt Medical Center. In fact, when I met him, he was on Ritalin. He shook so bad in his hands because he took the Ritalin with around two liters of Mountain Dew, and it was very noticeable. He got off the Ritalin soon after we were married and tried Adderall, Adderall didn't seem to help with the focus and concentration, and had some less than desirable side affects, so he didn't take any medication for the majority of our marriage. Impulse control was a problem, so was holding down a job, and my favorite was making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. It's very hard when you watch someone you love struggle the way he would. Simple tasks turned into near impossible tasks, or tasks that involved hours and hours of intensive labor.
As the wife of someone with ADHD, it was very frustrating to say the very least. I would clearly state time and again things that I might need his help with or need from him, and those things would not get done. I don't know if it was attention span thing, or exactly what it was, but then he would sort of spin his wheels doing other things to make me happy, when really I just needed the simple things done. Sometimes I felt like I was a mother instead of a wife.
When I began researching Bipolar Disorder, I was intrigued to find out that a lot of people diagnosed with ADHD are truly misdiagnosed and are actually Bipolar. I ran across the website
www.bphope.com clicked on relationships and begin to read on the forums of other people who were sharing their stories and there was my life. I could go back to year one of us being together and see the similarities or actually the EXACT same stories that were played out in my life over the years. I also got the book Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running from Madness by Suzy Favor Hamilton and listened to it on my audible in one day. I could not believe the similarities, and even some of the exact things that she said to her husband that my own husband has said to me. It was truly almost scary. I even reached out to her via Twitter to thank her for being honest with her struggle because a lot of it mimicked my life.
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20436786,00.html
When I came across the above article, I really started to lean towards the fact that maybe this wasn't a midlife crisis after all, and began leaning towards that it was more than likely a true mental illness.
First, great mood. Bipolar disorder is characterized by up and down episodes of mania and depression. For the year following all of this happening, my husband had lost his job and had told me he was depressed. When all of this began to happen, he almost had a elated mood, like a euphoria. In fact, when I had discovered him to be at his girlfriend's house, he had called me prior to the job interview, we talked like best friends, he called me after the interview, we talked like best friends, and then he told me he was going to have dinner with his boss. When he called me back, he was in a manic phase for sure, so much so that the girlfriend that I had on the phone as a witness thought that he may be using drugs. He was talking 100 miles a minute and had intricate details of going to a bar with a boss, having drinks with the boss, exchanging Christmas presents with this boss, and how great the boss told him he was going to do with this company. All of it was lies, when he asked if I was having him followed and I replied, yes, He suddenly switched his tune and drove 6 hours back to me. He swore he had not had an affair that was the first time he had met her and that he wanted to work it out with me. He slept for 4 hours out of 72. This was a definite stage of mania. And for the months following he would leave town, come back and offer up this crazy extensive story with details and would sware he had been faithful. Extensive stories about things he did with other people and people who didn't even exist. He would rattle these stories off with such excitement that you had no other choice but to believe him. I always let him back in.
Second, Inability to complete tasks. Even though I wasn't living with him at this time, it was quite apparent that the only tasks that were being completed was her and then me. His job was suffering, his apartment was suffering, and most importantly his relationships were suffering. He didn't stop one thing and start another, he had several incomplete things going on all at once.
Third, Depression. Though I had not been with him, I was allowed to accompany him to his medical visit to see his primary care physician with whom he spoke of a major depression that he had been suffering through this past year. She asked if he felt like they needed to change his medications, but he swore he didn't need it. He did. He still does.
Fourth, Irritability. If you have read any of my blog, I need to say nothing more.
Fifth, Rapid speech. I never even knew what this was until I started reading about BPD. Rapid speech or pressured speech is where the person talks rapidly (as evidenced by the night he was caught) and even begins talking over you. All three of our counseling sessions were with him talking over me, and any phone call that we have is him telling me to shut the eff up over and over and over and then if I try to complete my sentence, he would talk over me. That is why we communicate in email form. It's counterproductive to say the very least.
Sixth, Trouble at Work. He is now rapidly approaching his third job of 2016, and it was nothing for us to often have 5-7 W-2's to fill out at the end of every year.
Seventh, Alcohol or Drug Abuse. Since all of this began, my husband has began drinking and smoking pot daily. The drinking not so often since the night of the refrigerator incident, but still. the pot, yes, daily. Prior to this, he maybe smoked weed twice in 18 years.
Eighth, Erratic Behavior. as if the hypersexuality wasn't enough, the grandiose thoughts and topics of conversation were bizarre.]From traveling to Spirit Quest and drinking Ahyauesca, to traveling this Summer to Thailand, California, all over the gulf coast, etc. People were coming to stay with him, he was going here and there, etc. Then we can't forget we are all just "mini-gods". Along with the grandiose thoughts came paranoid ones as well. When asked if he had bed bugs, he came back with I could have anyone inspect his premises at any time. No one wanted that! I just needed to know what kind of bugs were there because they were in my daughter's bed because that could seriously be a problem. I have been accused of everything over and over and most the time I am dumbfounded that he would think that I would spend my time coming up with the craziness!
Ninth, Sleep problems. They have been ever more apparent as this has played out. He either barely sleeps, or sleeps a lot. There is no in between.
Tenth, Flight of ideas, often what happens prior to experiencing Pressured speech. Thoughts racing out of control. Name calling, over and over telling me to shut the eff up. It's truly been a very trying time.
As I said before, my husband has not been officially diagnosed, but if this blog sounds like something you have been through or have watched a loved one go through, then I encourage you to do your research on Bipolar Disorder. As the lady from NAMI told me today, there is hope, don't give up hope because there is a very good chance that once on medication, he will want to begin picking up the pieces of his life back up. Peace be with you, and with me and my family as this emotional roller coaster unfolds.
